This is the first time in my life that I’ve felt so strongly about someone. About ANYONE, really.
I never fully understood before what having someone in my life who I could share anything with them and not feel guilty about it really meant. Meaning that I can tell him things that make me emotionally wrecked and even tell him straight up of how much of a wreck I can be, and I know he will be very understanding every single time. He knows that I can be very impatient and that even I deal with less than perfect things almost on a daily basis, and that not everything is all rainbows and sunshine in my life.
We are both going through a lot right now, so our biggest challenge is figuring out when we will finally be with each other again. Of course, I went over 6 months without seeing him before the last time we were together almost 2 months ago, but it was much easier for me to deal with going for that long without seeing him then than it is for me now even after only 2 months.
The difference now is that we both have so much going on with our work and school schedules, and now we both have personal & family issues added on top of that. So at the time when I really want to be in his presence more than anything else, we have both had to settle for simply communication through texts. And if we weren’t so busy, phone calls would definitely be a thing too. But I know that both of us really want even just one day to relax and put our worries aside for once.
Of course, I haven’t fully revealed to him exactly how I feel and what he means to me, but I hope that he at least understands just a little bit and realize that I’m not like any of his other friends. And I don’t want to be like the rest. I do want to be able to have fun and have a good time, but I also want to confide and trust him with things that I simply do not feel comfortable sharing with other people. If I was not absolutely positive that I could share those kinds of things with him, I would not be doing it.
In fact, I told one of my friends about him and she even feels that something is there between us. I don’t want to rush things with him but I sure do hope she’s right.
So what do I want really? To be able to smile again in the way that only he can make happen. To have his arms wrapped around me when I first see him and right before I’m about to leave him and feel like even he doesn’t want to let go. To experience the happiness that fills me being around someone who makes me weak with their own happiness, compassion, and strength, because I fall in love with all of that (and him) every single time.
It isn’t a matter of “if,” but definitely a matter of “when.”